"One day, you are going to wake up, look at the scale and weigh in at 240 pounds. You are going to ask yourself, what happened? You need to get out of this cycle before you let that happen"...are the words that my trainer said to me today. As the words rolled off his tongue, the tears flowed out of my eyes.
I could not believe that such honesty would first bring me to tears, then motivate the hell out of me. The remainder of our training session was probably the most emotional and intense session I have ever had. I don't know if it was the truth that hurt so much, or the fact that something keeps holding me back from achieving my goals.
Not only did my trainer say such powerful words, but at the end of our session, he went above and beyond, and ran 20 minutes outside with me.
After spending an amazing weekend with friends at my Alma Matter, I woke up this morning sore from the alcohol and greasy foods that I consumed. I gained four pounds from one weekend of chaotic eating. I had gone the entire day, dreading my training session, thinking about how uncomfortable I would be in my workout attire with all the other workout fanatics at the gym.
"Getting here is the hard part, working out is the easy part"...
Thank you for putting things into perspective. Thanks for being the support and backbone that I need to help me focus.
This might be the start of motivation and success.
About Me
- The Zaftig
- I am your typical 24 year old teacher and graduate student.I have the world by the (well, let's keep this P.G.) I have the world at my fingertips. But one thing that is not on my side, is my ZAFTIG figure. What is Zaftig you may ask? Zaftig(yiddish word): definition: Having a full, rounded figure; plump. So take this journey with me as I blog about my challenges, triumphs, healthy alternatives, working out and more!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
WE ARE, Penn State
I went to Penn State University, and because all of the drama surrounding this sex scandal, I feel compelled to speak my mind. I am heartbroken to see this legend let go because of the actions of a disgusting man. The issues at hand are being dismissed, the real truth about why we are experiencing these emotions. I will continue to refer to the sex abuser without a name, because his name has become a curse, something that I will not or can not bring myself to say.
As I watch my Penn Staters riot in honor of JoePa, as pictures are dispersed over the internet, I feel honored, pride, and shame at the same time; feelings that are so intertwined that I myself, become confused. I never liked football, never cared about the game, but a sense of pride in Penn State is something that I felt when I went to each game, saw the legendary JoePa, and shouted, "We Are" from the stands in unity with my fellow classmates.
But at this time, my heart hurts. I don't know what to be angry about first; the fact that this man has gotten away with such a heinous crime for years, or the fact that these victims have to suffer through this; or the fact that blame is being put on all the wrong people; JoePa, the police, etc. Yes, these people are partially to blame, but where is the blame on the actual evil? Why has the real monster been put on the back burner?
You may read this and feel confused about my stance on all of this, well, you should, because I myself, am utterly confused.
At the end of the day, WE ARE ashamed of this man who victimized young boys, WE ARE in support of justice for these victims, WE ARE sad to see JoePA leave and WE ARE and always will be PENN STATE.
As I watch my Penn Staters riot in honor of JoePa, as pictures are dispersed over the internet, I feel honored, pride, and shame at the same time; feelings that are so intertwined that I myself, become confused. I never liked football, never cared about the game, but a sense of pride in Penn State is something that I felt when I went to each game, saw the legendary JoePa, and shouted, "We Are" from the stands in unity with my fellow classmates.
But at this time, my heart hurts. I don't know what to be angry about first; the fact that this man has gotten away with such a heinous crime for years, or the fact that these victims have to suffer through this; or the fact that blame is being put on all the wrong people; JoePa, the police, etc. Yes, these people are partially to blame, but where is the blame on the actual evil? Why has the real monster been put on the back burner?
You may read this and feel confused about my stance on all of this, well, you should, because I myself, am utterly confused.
At the end of the day, WE ARE ashamed of this man who victimized young boys, WE ARE in support of justice for these victims, WE ARE sad to see JoePA leave and WE ARE and always will be PENN STATE.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Move it life, you are in the way
Zaftig returning...
I am a human, not a robot, and definitely not a perfectionist. But when I do something, I want to do it right. As you know, I started Jenny Craig again, with every intention of eating only the Jenny Craig food, and the Jenny Craig food only. But guess what, life happens. Between going away to the Poconos with my boyfriend, visiting my alma matter for my best friend's birthday, my 25th birthday approaching, and other events in my future, I can only be realistic and not idealistic. I am going to have to socialize, as I am nearing my 25th year of life, but I hold back from social situations sometimes because of my weight insecurities.
Knowing that I have an event coming, my subconscious says, "FREE FOR ALL-EAT WHAT YOU WANT, START YOUR DIET AGAIN ON MONDAY". I am a pretty smart gal, if I say so myself, but I am so darn stupid when it comes to dieting.
I went away this weekend, and got off the Jenny Craig express, and I am having a hard time getting back on. If I wrote today, and said, I LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT, I would be lying to you, but more importantly, myself.
After losing an initial 4 pounds the first week of the diet, round 2, I am struggling to get back on and stay on.
Zaftig is in need of help... any suggestions fellow followers?
Signing off,
The Zaftig
I am a human, not a robot, and definitely not a perfectionist. But when I do something, I want to do it right. As you know, I started Jenny Craig again, with every intention of eating only the Jenny Craig food, and the Jenny Craig food only. But guess what, life happens. Between going away to the Poconos with my boyfriend, visiting my alma matter for my best friend's birthday, my 25th birthday approaching, and other events in my future, I can only be realistic and not idealistic. I am going to have to socialize, as I am nearing my 25th year of life, but I hold back from social situations sometimes because of my weight insecurities.
Knowing that I have an event coming, my subconscious says, "FREE FOR ALL-EAT WHAT YOU WANT, START YOUR DIET AGAIN ON MONDAY". I am a pretty smart gal, if I say so myself, but I am so darn stupid when it comes to dieting.
I went away this weekend, and got off the Jenny Craig express, and I am having a hard time getting back on. If I wrote today, and said, I LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT, I would be lying to you, but more importantly, myself.
After losing an initial 4 pounds the first week of the diet, round 2, I am struggling to get back on and stay on.
Zaftig is in need of help... any suggestions fellow followers?
Signing off,
The Zaftig
Monday, October 31, 2011
Trick or Eat...
Hello all and happy Halloween. As the kids dress up, venture off into the spookiness of the night, we are left to ponder the big question...trick or treat, trick or eat? Ok, being on Jenny Craig, and being a human being...I am left with an important decision. To trick my diet by eating candy, or stay true to myself and bypass the sweets...Guess what ghosts, goblins, and chronic dieters...I am making a short and "sweet" blog today because I am going to prepare a delicious platter of VEGETABLES tonight instead of digging into candy.
Trick or Eat Trick or Eat Give me something HEALTHY TO EAT!
GO VEGGIES!
Signing off,
The Zaftig
Monday, October 24, 2011
A new venture
Zaftig here...returning after yet again another long break.
So I had a revelation in the past few weeks as I have had some time to reflect on my life. A few years ago, when I started my freshman year in college, I gained more weight then I ever thought imaginable. I encountered severe body issues, individuals who pointed out my significant weight gain, and people who were insensitive to my body issues.
I will never forget this one boy who lived in my dorm. Day in and day out, he would remind me of my weight, whether it was in front of a crowd, or a smirking comment straight to my face.
What enjoyment did this boy get in making me feel lower and lower in a sea of low self-esteem and unhappiness?
Maybe it was that boy who turned things around for me, or maybe it was the fact that I hit the lowest point in my life. Whatever it was, that summer I decided, no more junk food, no more eating my feelings, and certainly no alcohol. That summer, I decided to go on the Jenny Craig diet, and lost a whopping forty pounds before returning to college my sophmore year.
I kept off that weight for a good two and a half years, but somehow, some way, the weight crept back like a slow moving and invasive disease.
That boy who lived in my dorm was not there to taunt me or point out my flaws, but someone else stood out in my mind. The cruelest person that I have encountered in my life, the person that was the hardest on me, brought out my weakest points, my lowest and deepest emotions. Someone that I would call an enemy.
That person will forever live in my heart, and reflect back in the mirror every time I look into it. That person is me.
I woke up last week and asked myself, why am I my worst critic? There is no need for a tormentor to motivate me, because I am the biggest nemesis to my own self esteem.
So this week, I am starting a new venture; something that has worked in the past, so should work again...history repeats itself, right?
Jenny Craig round two, here I come. But this new venture also allows me to meet someone special; my inner beauty.
And loyal Zaftig followers,
I pledge my honesty, my sincerity, and the real raw truth. I will be blogging more to allow you to follow my highs and lows as I approach this challenge, this time, for good.
Signing off,
The NEW and IMPROVED Zaftig
So I had a revelation in the past few weeks as I have had some time to reflect on my life. A few years ago, when I started my freshman year in college, I gained more weight then I ever thought imaginable. I encountered severe body issues, individuals who pointed out my significant weight gain, and people who were insensitive to my body issues.
I will never forget this one boy who lived in my dorm. Day in and day out, he would remind me of my weight, whether it was in front of a crowd, or a smirking comment straight to my face.
What enjoyment did this boy get in making me feel lower and lower in a sea of low self-esteem and unhappiness?
Maybe it was that boy who turned things around for me, or maybe it was the fact that I hit the lowest point in my life. Whatever it was, that summer I decided, no more junk food, no more eating my feelings, and certainly no alcohol. That summer, I decided to go on the Jenny Craig diet, and lost a whopping forty pounds before returning to college my sophmore year.
I kept off that weight for a good two and a half years, but somehow, some way, the weight crept back like a slow moving and invasive disease.
That boy who lived in my dorm was not there to taunt me or point out my flaws, but someone else stood out in my mind. The cruelest person that I have encountered in my life, the person that was the hardest on me, brought out my weakest points, my lowest and deepest emotions. Someone that I would call an enemy.
That person will forever live in my heart, and reflect back in the mirror every time I look into it. That person is me.
I woke up last week and asked myself, why am I my worst critic? There is no need for a tormentor to motivate me, because I am the biggest nemesis to my own self esteem.
So this week, I am starting a new venture; something that has worked in the past, so should work again...history repeats itself, right?
Jenny Craig round two, here I come. But this new venture also allows me to meet someone special; my inner beauty.
And loyal Zaftig followers,
I pledge my honesty, my sincerity, and the real raw truth. I will be blogging more to allow you to follow my highs and lows as I approach this challenge, this time, for good.
Signing off,
The NEW and IMPROVED Zaftig
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I OBJECT!
Breaking news: Zaftig has been a victim of a hateful crime against humanity. A crime so heinous that it is even hard to discuss. What will the jury say once they hear what the Zaftig has endured...
It all started many moons ago. This little thing we call, being a foodie, a zaftig-figured woman, and someone who is trying to "keep up with the times" by following the latest diet trend, has yet again been faced with a losing battle.
Well, it has been quite a few days since I last wrote. But, since then, I have attempted, failed, and attempted let's see... The Eat five small meals and try to be healthy diet, that did not work, so I moved into the SEE FOOD DIET(you see it, you eat it), the skip the gym for days diet, and well, on to the next.
Why do we fall victim to the hardship of steadily following a diet? What prevents us? Is there an imaginary wall that our weight puts up and says "Forget you, I'm stickin' on her bod". Really, is there a conspiracy against my weight loss? Do all the food groups line up each day and say, "Hey you know what, maybe The Zaftig will get a hold of us today, and we will live and conquer her body for the rest of her life!"
Honestly, there is a conspiracy, I am convinced. I will prove it in court if I have to! Wait a second, the conspiracy is self-inflicted. The lack of determination, self-confidence, and the constant struggle has put up this wall that is temporary.
The first step is recognizing your problem, right? Well, I have already recognized my diet fails, but it is time to take this case to court, and rip down that wall, little by little.
It is time to take those food groups before the jury, and when they try to stay on my body, I will reply... I OBJECT!
Signing off,
The Zaftig
It all started many moons ago. This little thing we call, being a foodie, a zaftig-figured woman, and someone who is trying to "keep up with the times" by following the latest diet trend, has yet again been faced with a losing battle.
Well, it has been quite a few days since I last wrote. But, since then, I have attempted, failed, and attempted let's see... The Eat five small meals and try to be healthy diet, that did not work, so I moved into the SEE FOOD DIET(you see it, you eat it), the skip the gym for days diet, and well, on to the next.
Why do we fall victim to the hardship of steadily following a diet? What prevents us? Is there an imaginary wall that our weight puts up and says "Forget you, I'm stickin' on her bod". Really, is there a conspiracy against my weight loss? Do all the food groups line up each day and say, "Hey you know what, maybe The Zaftig will get a hold of us today, and we will live and conquer her body for the rest of her life!"
Honestly, there is a conspiracy, I am convinced. I will prove it in court if I have to! Wait a second, the conspiracy is self-inflicted. The lack of determination, self-confidence, and the constant struggle has put up this wall that is temporary.
The first step is recognizing your problem, right? Well, I have already recognized my diet fails, but it is time to take this case to court, and rip down that wall, little by little.
It is time to take those food groups before the jury, and when they try to stay on my body, I will reply... I OBJECT!
Signing off,
The Zaftig
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Digging
Do you ever feel like you are constantly digging and digging to get to the root? Sometimes, we are fenced in our own little garden, and we become blinded by the weeds to even notice the beauty of the flowers around us that are trying to bloom. Has a beautiful red rose ever caught your eye, but it seems as though you can only find yourself being pricked by the thorns.
Often, we become so lost and sidetracked in our own world, that we don't have the time to notice all of the beauty surrounding us.
Often, I find myself wondering what makes me happy, sad, excited, fearful, or even anxious. What I have discovered as I dig and dig into the soil, is the unknown. What lies beneath the roots that are embedded in our earth? What does each layer of our atmosphere hold? What does each layer hide as we get deeper and deeper, closer and closer, to the depths of our roots. What secrets will be shared as we find ourselves shedding each layer, slowly, one by one?
The unknown is happy, sad, exciting, fearful, and anxiety provoking. But what can we do? Keep on digging.
Happy Sunday,
Signing off,
The Zaftig.
Often, we become so lost and sidetracked in our own world, that we don't have the time to notice all of the beauty surrounding us.
Often, I find myself wondering what makes me happy, sad, excited, fearful, or even anxious. What I have discovered as I dig and dig into the soil, is the unknown. What lies beneath the roots that are embedded in our earth? What does each layer of our atmosphere hold? What does each layer hide as we get deeper and deeper, closer and closer, to the depths of our roots. What secrets will be shared as we find ourselves shedding each layer, slowly, one by one?
The unknown is happy, sad, exciting, fearful, and anxiety provoking. But what can we do? Keep on digging.
Happy Sunday,
Signing off,
The Zaftig.
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