About Me

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I am your typical 24 year old teacher and graduate student.I have the world by the (well, let's keep this P.G.) I have the world at my fingertips. But one thing that is not on my side, is my ZAFTIG figure. What is Zaftig you may ask? Zaftig(yiddish word): definition: Having a full, rounded figure; plump. So take this journey with me as I blog about my challenges, triumphs, healthy alternatives, working out and more!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Eating to Live, Not living to Eat

   I sat down with a friend today over a piping hot cup of coffee. We naturally had to catch up on months that have gone by, as she is living in Quito, Equador, while I reside in New Jersey.
  As we got to talking about our lives, I shared how content I was with my job, boyfriend, friends, family, etc. But what one thing still remained unsatisfactory? My weight-duh.
    I inspired myself today when I said, I feel like there are so many people that just eat to live.
 Then I said impulsively-BUT I LIVE TO EAT. I feel like once a meal is finished, I am thinking about the next. Or, when I am teaching my last period of the day, the last few minutes of class are spent on me checking out wondering what my diet food will be for my lunch, Alcoholics, shopaholics truly have a disease in which they cannot control, but noone realizes that foodaholics is a serious condition that exists-AND I AM LIVING PROOF.
   Not only that, but a comment from a loyal follower (shoutout to EREC) pointed out that my main focus seems to lie on the fact that I pressure myself all too often to lose weight.
   Maybe a new focus would help me get back on track, and enjoy the positive aspects of my life that already exist...

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Cement Wall

   Do you ever feel like you are talking, and no one single person is listening, responding, or even taking in what you are saying? Do you ever feel like you are consistently talking to a brick wall that seems unable to be broken or knocked down?
    There is an unbearable wall that stands before me. I am talking to it, screaming at the top of my lungs, to simply listen to me, and just hear me out.
   "Please help me break through, and stay focused on my diet. Why do I keep going back to food? What is the comfort I feel in ruining my diet and stepping off the plank into my own ocean of weight gain? Please wall, please help me break you down".
    As I tell myself, I will begin my diet the following day, it doesn't seem to happen. Why? Help me break down this damn wall...please...

Monday, November 14, 2011

Epiphany

"One day, you are going to wake up, look at the scale and weigh in at 240 pounds. You are going to ask yourself, what happened? You need to get out of this cycle before you let that happen"...are the words that my trainer said to me today. As the words rolled off his tongue, the tears flowed out of my eyes.
    I could not believe that such honesty would first bring me to tears, then motivate the hell out of me. The remainder of our training session was probably the most emotional and intense session I have ever had. I don't know if it was the truth that hurt so much, or the fact that something keeps holding me back from achieving my goals.
     Not only did my trainer say such powerful words, but at the end of our session, he went above and beyond, and ran 20 minutes outside with me.
   After spending an amazing weekend with friends at my Alma Matter, I woke up this morning sore from the alcohol and greasy foods that I consumed. I gained four pounds from one weekend of chaotic eating. I had gone the entire day, dreading my training session, thinking about how uncomfortable I would be in my workout attire with all the other workout fanatics at the gym.
   "Getting here is the hard part, working out is the easy part"...
  Thank you for putting things into perspective. Thanks for being the support and backbone that I need to help me focus.
    This might be the start of motivation and success.
  

Thursday, November 10, 2011

WE ARE, Penn State

I went to Penn State University, and because all of the drama surrounding this sex scandal, I feel compelled to speak my mind. I am heartbroken to see this legend let go because of the actions of a disgusting man. The issues at hand are being dismissed, the real truth about why we are experiencing these emotions. I will continue to refer to the sex abuser without a name, because his name has become a curse, something that I will not or can not bring myself to say.
    As I watch my Penn Staters riot in honor of JoePa, as pictures are dispersed over the internet, I feel honored, pride, and shame at the same time; feelings that are so intertwined that I myself, become confused. I never liked football, never cared about the game, but a sense of pride in Penn State is something that I felt when I went to each game, saw the legendary JoePa, and shouted, "We Are" from the stands in unity with my fellow classmates.
     But at this time, my heart hurts. I don't know what to be angry about first; the fact that this man has gotten away with such a heinous crime for years, or the fact that these victims have to suffer through this; or the fact that blame is being put on all the wrong people; JoePa, the police, etc. Yes, these people are partially to blame, but where is the blame on the actual evil? Why has the real monster been put on the back burner?
    You may read this and feel confused about my stance on all of this, well, you should, because I myself, am utterly confused.
   At the end of the day, WE ARE ashamed of this man who victimized young boys, WE ARE in support of justice for these victims, WE ARE sad to see JoePA leave and WE ARE and always will be PENN STATE.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Move it life, you are in the way

Zaftig returning...
     I am a human, not a robot, and definitely not a perfectionist. But when I do something, I want to do it right. As you know, I started Jenny Craig again, with every intention of eating only the Jenny Craig food, and the Jenny Craig food only. But guess what, life happens. Between going away to the Poconos with my boyfriend, visiting my alma matter for my best friend's birthday, my 25th birthday approaching, and other events in my future, I can only be realistic and not idealistic. I am going to have to socialize, as I am nearing my 25th year of life, but I hold back from social situations sometimes because of my weight insecurities.
     Knowing that I have an event coming, my subconscious says, "FREE FOR ALL-EAT WHAT YOU WANT, START YOUR DIET AGAIN ON MONDAY".  I am a pretty smart gal, if I say so myself, but I am so darn stupid when it comes to dieting.
     I went away this weekend, and got off the Jenny Craig express, and I am having a hard time getting back on. If I wrote today, and said, I LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT, I would be lying to you, but more importantly, myself.
     After losing an initial 4 pounds the first week of the diet, round 2, I am struggling to get back on and stay on.
   Zaftig is in need of help... any suggestions fellow followers?

Signing off,
The Zaftig