Half Marathon time?

So, as I get back into blogging and dieting, I also decided that I will be training for another half marathon with my sister. I started running yesterday. Forgetting that I began my journey yesterday, I woke up this morning, unable to move my entire body.
  As sore as I am, it feels amazing. Knowing I started training for something so rigorous, lets me know that I am determined.
   Short and sweet today...

Ding dong...the wedding bells..

Wow...what has it been? a year...? Yep, the ZAFTIG FELL OFF THAT WAGON. But, it is time to take the train right back to my destination. This time, it is a direct ride to my wedding. The boyfriend proposed in March, and now it is almost August. People say, once you get engaged, you are so motivated to lose weight...well it is somewhat ironic. There has been celebration after celebration, making it almost impossible to lose weight!
   So what did I do? I went to a wedding store and tried on dresses. After seeing where I am now, I took pictures and decided that I want to be at a different place on my wedding day.
  So before I make my wedding vow, I vow to myself that I will get right back on track with my now wedding diet.

Remember me?

So fellow followers...you might have been wondering where The Zaftig went. Well, I was on a bit of a hiatus, a hiatus from dieting. Instead of gaining a sense of self, it seems like all I have gained are a few extra pounds. During this "self-appointed" hiatus, I have been sinking into a never-ending ocean of body loathing and a loss of beauty within and outside of myself.
   So I fell off the deep end, at speeds that may seem unimaginable. But, I am back, and this time, full force. As I swim back up to the shallow water, I lose a little bit of breathe, and try to regain my consciousness. With each stroke, breast stroke, side stroke, backstroke, butterfly, I became stronger, weaker, stronger, and weaker. Yet, I must use all my strength to get back to the shallow water where I can breathe and regain control over my own body.

Flyin' High

It seems as though most of my blogs are inspired by negative things. Writing in general, seems to be as a result of pain, hardship, and emotional distress.
    But today I write from a place of love and positiveness. This emotion probably stems from this ; my productivity this weekend: I graded 90+ essays, completed graduate homework, lost 3 pounds on my diet, went to the gym, etc. all while coming down with a cold.
      Maybe it was the fact that I had an argument with my mother, after I texted her about my one pound weight loss last week. The text I received was, "That's all? One Pound?"
   Now, before I continue, I love my mother to death. I am her, in a young form. Our face, body shape, and even personalities mimic one another. So, to say the least, I am a product of my mother and she wants the best for me.
     Sometimes, as we all know, our mothers, even fathers, can be brutally honest, or just plain brutal. Was I hurt as the prospect of my mother thinking less of me? Or was I hurt at the fact that well yeah, one pound, in the grand scheme of things, is not much.
    What I realized in the day that I went without speaking to her is that I am loved. My mother was not trying to be hurtful, rather, motivational.
   At the end of the day, I have learned not to analyze everything, rather, take everything with a grain of salt (pun intended) and move on.

Eating to Live, Not living to Eat

   I sat down with a friend today over a piping hot cup of coffee. We naturally had to catch up on months that have gone by, as she is living in Quito, Equador, while I reside in New Jersey.
  As we got to talking about our lives, I shared how content I was with my job, boyfriend, friends, family, etc. But what one thing still remained unsatisfactory? My weight-duh.
    I inspired myself today when I said, I feel like there are so many people that just eat to live.
 Then I said impulsively-BUT I LIVE TO EAT. I feel like once a meal is finished, I am thinking about the next. Or, when I am teaching my last period of the day, the last few minutes of class are spent on me checking out wondering what my diet food will be for my lunch, Alcoholics, shopaholics truly have a disease in which they cannot control, but noone realizes that foodaholics is a serious condition that exists-AND I AM LIVING PROOF.
   Not only that, but a comment from a loyal follower (shoutout to EREC) pointed out that my main focus seems to lie on the fact that I pressure myself all too often to lose weight.
   Maybe a new focus would help me get back on track, and enjoy the positive aspects of my life that already exist...

Cement Wall

   Do you ever feel like you are talking, and no one single person is listening, responding, or even taking in what you are saying? Do you ever feel like you are consistently talking to a brick wall that seems unable to be broken or knocked down?
    There is an unbearable wall that stands before me. I am talking to it, screaming at the top of my lungs, to simply listen to me, and just hear me out.
   "Please help me break through, and stay focused on my diet. Why do I keep going back to food? What is the comfort I feel in ruining my diet and stepping off the plank into my own ocean of weight gain? Please wall, please help me break you down".
    As I tell myself, I will begin my diet the following day, it doesn't seem to happen. Why? Help me break down this damn wall...please...

Epiphany

"One day, you are going to wake up, look at the scale and weigh in at 240 pounds. You are going to ask yourself, what happened? You need to get out of this cycle before you let that happen"...are the words that my trainer said to me today. As the words rolled off his tongue, the tears flowed out of my eyes.
    I could not believe that such honesty would first bring me to tears, then motivate the hell out of me. The remainder of our training session was probably the most emotional and intense session I have ever had. I don't know if it was the truth that hurt so much, or the fact that something keeps holding me back from achieving my goals.
     Not only did my trainer say such powerful words, but at the end of our session, he went above and beyond, and ran 20 minutes outside with me.
   After spending an amazing weekend with friends at my Alma Matter, I woke up this morning sore from the alcohol and greasy foods that I consumed. I gained four pounds from one weekend of chaotic eating. I had gone the entire day, dreading my training session, thinking about how uncomfortable I would be in my workout attire with all the other workout fanatics at the gym.
   "Getting here is the hard part, working out is the easy part"...
  Thank you for putting things into perspective. Thanks for being the support and backbone that I need to help me focus.
    This might be the start of motivation and success.